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Tuesday, 7 August 2012


Hello all,

As you may have been noticing I have been struggling to keep my series of blogs up and have decided to do the right thing. No... not give up blogging and empty the chambers of my revolver in my head. I have amalgamated all of my blogs into one blog. I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to all of you over the years for your support.

Baron Chris

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Rule Britannia

I have just been listening to a few songs and feel like I should write this. Rule Britannia (the link is above). This song sends shivers down my spine. The people singing that Britons will never be slaves. What we are for...Who we have fought for. How much we have accomplished. Sure we've made mistakes but we live in an amazing country and have a fantastic heritage. It's not England or Wales or Scotland, its Great BRITAIN. And it is great. I am PROUD to be British, and not enough people are.

Patriotism is an amazing thing, and we should all hold it dear to us. Not nationalist. Our country is built on immigration and we should embrace it. We should invite all those who want to make Britain even better than it is.

It is not about saying we are better than other nations, it is about being amongst other great nations and being proud of our accomplishments. William Wilberforce played his part in the abolition of slavery; Women achieved the vote and created Universal Suffrage; we have fought against evil many times. Our brave servicemen are still fighting against what our government believes is evil and I think we can all agree that fighting those who crash planes into building and blow up buses should be hunted. My father was on one of the train lines an hour or so before many civilians lost their lives. Whether or not a war is right, our servicemen and women still serve our country- something I don’t think enough people appreciate.

The music our composers and bands created- the Beatles told us to Let it Be and about Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Band. David Bowie sang about a Suffragette City and Life on Mars. Queen, argued by some as the band on Earth questioned, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

As a man who loves his food, I think of how much our food means to us. Fry ups, fish and chips, Road Beef and Yorkshire Puds, Trifle, Bangers and Mash. I also love a good curry. Whenever my father and I go out for a meal, we end up having a Ruby Murray (my favourite being Ruchis in Bexley, London). I think that shows the integration and the multi-culturalism of the UK. It’s also great because it’s one of the only places you can have a drink after the pub closes.

We played our part in making the world what it is today and the British people who did that: Sir Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone; Sir John Logie Baird, inventor of the television; Sir Guglielmo Marconi, inventor of radio; Sir Alan Turing and Sir Charles Babbage, inventors of the computer; Sir Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the Internet.

If you read this and smile, then I hope it has touched you and filled you with my rediscovered patriotism for this country. It saddens me when people identify as English or Welsh, but I fully appreciate it- the same way I don’t particularly feel much empathy towards us being a European country.

As said in Shakespeare’s Richard III; “This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.”

Sunday, 8 January 2012


Hello, Hola, Wilkommen, Ciao, Hej, Yo. I’m sure you are impressed. We’re off to a good start. January is named after an ancient goddess, Janus, who was on the cast list of one of these religions that died out and sadly Christianity took over. So we have left a year behind. A pretty shit year to be honest.

It may have been great for you. That’s just perky for you; don’t tell Greece. Europe crumbled almost as quickly as a Hobnob in my builder’s tea, and left Germany and France to clear up the mess of Greece, who have had to start reusing their plates as a money saving attempt.

The Arab Spring was also much featured, spurred along by Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, using it to arrange protests to tell their leaders that they want western democracy. God help them. I assume they have accomplished so much using the internet because they haven’t discovered the real purpose of the web- porn and Farmville.

Colonel Melty-face Gaddaffi was deposed in the way all poor leaders should be- a bullet between the eyes. A new people’s republic of something or other is now set to rule, whilst we pump every last drop of oil possible from the wonderful country. Funny though, I bet petrol prices won’t recede one tenth of a penny.

Osama was another ‘tango down’ in the middle of 2011; found not in a cave, but in a compound surrounded by armed guards and his many wives. It probably looked like the cast to a Middle Eastern production of guys and dolls. He was dropped at sea by US soldiers, but is probably in a cell somewhere being waterboarded after each meal and the only stimulation being the car battery attached to his manhood. It would be amusing if they’d actually lost him over the sea by accident. “Keys, wallet, phone, Osa… Oh shit. Dave, mate, can we turn around.”

But what will this year hold? Stay tuned.


Saturday, 7 January 2012

The year that may be our last...

As always, I am a little late to the mark when events happen. I am sitting in a Costa coffee drinking overpriced unnecessary coffee, but I really pay for somewhere warm to sit and free Wi-Fi, which in London is gold dust when you’re bored and waiting for a train. For those who are unaware, we are now in a new year. [Insert pleasantries here]. Yes it is 2012, a year of sport, music, theatre and apparently according to guys who smoked chocolate, our last. What awaits us in the next 350 or so days? Who knows? I think we can all say that 2011 hasn’t been a particularly fun year, but I have written about that in a different entry.

I guess the main thing that’s going to occur this year is the Olympic Games, which will take place in the heart of London, even if it’s arteries are slowly calcifying. But it won’t be a heart attack London will suffer. As someone who is working at the Olympics as security (yes, funny isn’t it), I’m hoping some religious nutcase doesn’t decide to practice his pyrotechnics display anywhere near me. Let’s hope that that doesn’t happen. Then who would you get pointless rants about nothingness from? I think it will be worth being there, as although HD is very good at making you think you’re there; nothing beats seeing in person the looks of shame and disappointment on the British athletes faces.

We could win, but in sports that no one particularly cares about. Cycling, rowing, canoeing and other sports that you spend sat on your arse. How very apt. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to pay to watch Team GB win in the gymnastics. However, I’d pay to watch Natalia, Svetlana and the rest of Team Eastern Bloc. I’m sure you will agree.

Personally, the year has started on a plus for me. The swift justice to those who played a part in the murder of Stephen Lawrence, shows that are justice system works… eventually. As someone who comes from his neck of the woods, it means quite a lot to see such a horrific crime finally resolved. It is disgusting that it took so long, but just like when I was forced to participate in cross country; we got there in the end.

So the 2012 prophecy, eh? Aren’t we lucky. This comes from a civilisation that existed for a couple of hundred years and then instantly disappeared. I don’t know much about the whole idea, but it doesn’t sound too pretty. The film, 2012, sets out how it might happen, and it wasn’t that poor a film; even though it was just The Day after Tomorrow but with huge-ass boats. If it is true, at least we’ll all be spared from the ancient episodes of the Royle Family and The Great Escape. Would be interesting to see if the world did flood, whether the Queen’s Christmas message would go ahead with Liz underwater, using prompt cards and styling some nifty self-contained underwater breathing apparatus.

Any new years resolutions?

I’m going to try and do a whole year of consistent blogging and attempt to wean my way off twitter.